On Unnecessary Gendering

Growing and doing better

I started Restrained Grace 2 years ago with a limited scope and not nearly as much intention as I have today. My designs have always been very fem, however, I ascribed tradtitional gender roles to a lot of my products in their titles and descriptions at the time, as that was what I was comfortable and familiar with. As I've made an effort to do better as a human, and also as a business owner, I have moved away from that as my "default." In my circle of a few years ago, I only knew male Doms and female subs. I knew that wasn't all there was, but I wasn't in a hurry to make products for people without knowing who they are and what they want.

In the past few years I have made an effort to grow and learn, and I have slowly been adding more products for all kinds of people to the shop, without ascribing gender to them. I still have a long way to go, I still need more feedback from femme D-types, nonbinary folk, and masculine s-types. There is a glorious world of kinksters out there of all shapes, sizes, colors, and genders, and I am happy to make products for everyone, but as a designer I refuse to "force" products out just to gain mass-appeal. And by that I mean: I am working harder all the time to be inclusive, but I will not make slap-dash or lazy designs in order to appeal to everyone. Restrained Grace, for me, is about quality and style, and I won't compromise either in a rush to make something for everyone.

Earlier this year I rebranded, removing my heavily pink and floral motifs in favor of classic and classy branding that isn't inherently feminine. I also announced I am making an effort to remove unnecessary gendering from my product descriptions and any other text throughout my blog and website, however, it’s a huge undertaking to rewrite all of my content, and it’s taking longer than I would prefer. As Restrained Grace grows and more and more new shoppers find me, I know that coming across unneccesary gendering can be off-putting. But I want you to know that I am working on it. As a small business owner who also works a full-time job, finding the balance between life and work is even more difficult. Especially when I have so many projects to work on, split across multiple brands. I just want you to know that this is a priority for me, and that all new products I add will be gender-free.

If you have the time and energy, when you come across something of this nature on my site, please send me an email at restrainegrace@gmail.com to let me know, and I will fix it right away.

Thank you for your patience and your supprt.

-Miss Annie